"The right one will come at the right time, but when?", a close friend of mine asked me that question which left me a thought and a reflection on how patronising and condescending we usually console our friends to have hope for the right person entering your life.
"The right one will come along" are just empty words because reality proves that Mr Right does not exist. We, women, all have criteria of an ideal man we dream of but there's a huge difference between knowing your worth to set criteria for seeking good compatibility and requiring a list of all the wonderful things that a man should have.
Addressing the misconceptions
Can a man match up to a woman's requirements? Probably not. He's only human, after all. Therefore, there is no perfect man or woman to pick, but more precisely, a perfect match who has what it takes to make your life complete.
Concepts such as "the ideal person", "the right person" or "your other half" are common stereotypes. Fashion, television and society tell us that the right person has certain attributes. However, the reality is very different and that’s why after dating several guys or going through breakups, you realise that your ideal person does not appear anywhere. The problem with the stereotypes is that they are so general and opposite they become impossible to achieve.
Another misconception is that the only way to know if it's true love is to be "picked", that you must wait patiently and calmly for the right one to come. The reality is if you just sit at home and wait for the prince to knock on your door like a miracle, then it'll never happen.
The truth is waiting is only emotionally healthy when you are comfortable with the idea of never being picked. When you are happy with your life as it is, and sharing it with another person or not makes no difference to you whatsoever.
How does Mr Right look like in reality?
Mr Right appears with flaws and imperfections but you like him enough to accept and complete them. He also can complete what you lack. Instead of counting what he doesn't have, evaluate his potential as a life partner. This is important that you don't let your feeling cloud your head, but use your logical judgement to see the compatibility between you and him on a long-term basis. Both of you need to be on the same page to move forward together. Don't think that you can change him or he can change you later on when both think differently on important matters.
Mr Right doesn't want to be waited upon. He wants an equal relationship - someone who can forge their own path, who takes responsibility for their decisions, who takes charge of their own destiny. The right person will not confine you – by their side, both of you will be able to flourish equally together.
How to find an ideal person?
Take a look at yourself in the mirror and say hello to that ideal person. In the end, the only person who is always with you is looking right at you in the mirror. Only when you learn to love yourself and fall in love with yourself, you can expect someone else to see what’s wonderful about you. The keys to achieving this are:
Know yourself. Take time to discover who you are and what you expect of yourself. Allow yourself to know your skills and discover your fears. Fall in love with yourself! If you don’t love yourself, how do you expect someone else to?
Expand your circle of friends. Sometimes we convince ourselves that some things are true because we have not tried something new. Take the opportunity to make new friends and be out of your comfort zone.
Accept pain. Now if a relationship did not work, accept that others will come who will also teach you something. There will inevitably be times that we don’t come out unscathed from some relationships, but only you can choose whether you focus on suffering or learn and continue. Don’t just stick to what you’ve learned, go beyond the first suffering.
The ideal person comes unsought
That person will make you smile just by thinking about him. The important thing is that you now concentrate on living the moment, enjoying life, being yourself, learning new things and meeting more people. So when the ideal person arrives, he will find that you are also his ideal person…
Ladies, don't wait for Mr Right to come!
Build a life that’s worth living and enjoy meeting new people!
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